baby, my baby

After this baby is born, my husband and I will have 5 kids between us, 4 together. When we got married, I started out at 12. He worked me down to, I think, 5. So now here we are. Number 5. And I've been thinking about this prospect.

What would life be like to know I won't have any more babies? From the time I was a little girl, that is all I wanted to do. Have a family. A big one. Who will I be without that?

I'm not sure.

But I do have a peace about closing this chapter of growing our family and turn the page to raising the family. It feels like strange territory, but I know I will find my place in it.

I saw our baby yesterday, and I love this baby so much. Already. No questions asked. No explanations given. I love this baby. And I feel that more this time than any time before, because I realize how much of a miracle this all really is this time. Sure, I knew it before, but I didn't REALLY KNOW it.

This baby already has value, because this life has value to me. This life already has importance, because it is important to me. It doesn't matter who this baby becomes. It doesn't matter if this person becomes President, some great scientist, or a blue collar 9 to 5er, because this person is already a part of who I am. And this person, no matter what he or she does, will change me. This person will inspire me, teach me, change me.

And I understand that now more than ever.

Introducing baby #5: